Lindsay Lohan's Heart Is In Liquor

It seems that Lindsay Lohan has been drinking this weekend. Gasp! How can this be? She has been in rehabilitation three times. Could it be done, it has remained at a resort to practices unquantifiable rehabilitation? No, it's just talking crazy. E! Reports online:

"However, don’t think Lindsay Lohan has gone all suburban soccer mom on us—yet. According to some Utah locals, Lindsay was spotted at a Park City club Friday night. And despite her two-month stint in rehab, our bar witness thought Lindsay Lohan looked less than refreshed."

In the future, when scientists unearth Lindsay Lohan's corpse, they discover it runs on pure alcohol. It can survive without oxygen, water and food. As long as it is filled to the brim with Mojito, Lindsay Lohan will continue. Yes, it will be a while until Dr. Johnson fascinating spills tonic his whiskey in his rib cage open and Holy Christ! She is alive! Hide our precious one beer! Ah, I see, she burned with his crotch! Johnson, you drink-dog, look what you have done! Oh, the humanity.